Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
