Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
