Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
