oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am naked and annoyed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
