Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
