I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
