I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just invented taco cereal.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
