Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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