Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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