Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
