I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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