just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
