Pants 0. Shit 1.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
