i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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