Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
