Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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