Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
