but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
