you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
