What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
