that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
