I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
