I think my vagina is haunted
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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