My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
