the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
