you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize