If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
