i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
