I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
