i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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