A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
