Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm really busy with my period
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