bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh god it's open bar.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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