Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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