I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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