Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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