Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
