Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
