When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
