Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
