Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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