Your dad touched me again.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
