Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Less talking, more tequila
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
