No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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