I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
