It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's even glitter on my cock...
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