You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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