Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
