I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
