The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Apparently you make a good broom.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
