just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
