I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Can Purell be used as lube?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
