so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
