4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize