chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
