nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
