hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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