I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
