you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
