So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
