At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
