It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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