Sponge bath it is.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
