My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I still have a little drunk in my system
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
