You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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