Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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