You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
