I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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