ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
