I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
