i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
