Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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