go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
