my phone needs a breathalizer
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize