There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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