so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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