Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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