So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
