If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
