so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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